M.R.I. #9: Gamer DNA in Space, Lazy Gamers, and Boobs A-Plenty - Editorials

More Randomness from the Internet (M.R.I.) takes a long look at the breasts in Soul Calibur IV, what it would mean to resurrect humanity using the DNA of MMO players, and why Joseph Olin thinks game reviewers are lazy.

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M.R.I. #9

Gamer DNA in Space, Lazy Gamers, and Boobs-a-Plenty

pigs in space

Your DNA in Space

I asked this question in the original news posting this week in response to NCSoft's announcement that the company is running a "contest" of sorts that will see winners have their DNA sequenced and digitized then launched into space along with Ultima and Tabula Rasa lead designer Richard Garriott on his journey to the International Space Station. (A place he will presumably return from.) That's not so disturbing. What is disturbing are Garriott's comments about what could happen in the event of a cataclysm:

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""I've been able to do some very exciting things in the games business, but nothing of this magnitude," said Garriott, executive producer for Tabula Rasa at NCsoft. "I'm thrilled we can offer the once in a lifetime chance to millions of gamers to virtually go to space with me. A select few will have their DNA digitized and sent. And, theoretically, if anything happens to the human race, it could be their DNA that is used to resurrect humanity."

Please re-read the bold part of that quote.

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So, the question is, do we want to have the DNA of MMO players resurrecting humanity? It's a horrible stereotype but what about cross contamination? Do we want humanity resurrected if its skin is the color of Cheetos, smells like burritos and is prone to addictive behavior? What happens when the Burrito People start breeding? That is a future I'm glad I will not likely see.

soul calibur iv

Them Boobs

I'm not writing about those at the helm of the ESA, I'm writing about the latest Soul Calibur, the 4th one. Maybe it's just me, but even I look at this game I think, "Dude, they went overboard with this one." At this point I would recommend that designers, particularly those that specialize in fighting games, should just abandon all pretence and make a game with fighting mammaries or zombie killing mammaries or robotic mammary adventure games.

Secretly all hardcore gamers know that everything except the breasts is a distraction.

Game Reviewers are Lazy

Joseph Olin, President of the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences, reaches out and slaps game reviewers stating that "game reviewers are lazy" in an interview with Shacknews. Olin also stated that there are "a lot of game critics, but very little critical analysis" and "How can you review a game, how can you give a comment about a game like Grand theft Auto IV, that has 40-plus hours or more of gameplay, if you've only spent 2 1/2 to 3 hours playing it?"

That's easy.

Just like you can recognize a crappy book or movie in the opening pages or minutes, playing a game for a few hours will give you a good impression of what the rest of the game will be like. It's not as if GTAIV suddenly shifts gears midway through after an alien invasion. You're still assassinating drug dealers, driving recklessly, and moving from Point A to Point B by land, sea, or air to complete missions. It's not like Niko Bellic suddenly develops super powers or takes part in an experiment that shrinks him to the size of an ant - that would change up everything. I think about the last couple of games I've finished right to the credits: Metal Gear Solid 4 and BioShock. There's really nothing different that happens after the first 3 - 4 hours that would change my overall opinion of the game, with the exception of MGS4's end game.

I should be perfectly clear I do play games longer than five hours before plunging into the reviews phase (and much of that depends on what genre that game falls into), giving some critical thought to the game and what the developers were trying to accomplish, which is typically a paycheque. Do I finish every game? No. Am I lazy? Sometimes, but that doesn't usually extend to playing games. Playing games acts as an accomplice to my sloth.

My question for Olin is, what was the last game you played to the end?

And since when do you care what reviewers think?

- Omni

(August 2, 2008)


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