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Physical Improvements to Gaming Rigs Omni Would Like to See

Just about everything in life has been improved upon at one time or another. Computers thirty-five years ago took up whole rooms and had the same power as most calculators do today. Speed, storage, space, etc. have all been improved but for the last five years there haven’t been any major structural changes made to computer or console systems. Developers have started offering casings in different colours and transparency. Nintendo released a whole variety of day-glo N64 consoles and controllers. Computer cases have had their corners rounded and there are flatscreen monitors on the market. But nothing has essentially changed. I propose the following:

Make all consoles and computers waterproof.

As far as I’m concerned this is a no-brainer. Nearly all the watches on the market are waterproof up to 50 m or more. I can’t count the times I’ve spilled a beverage onto the keyboard with the resultant sticky mess making me wish I could put the keyboard in the sink and give it a good wash. Same goes for console controllers. After a game party with tons of junk food and the first thing I want to do is wash the controls. It’s not that I have particularly dirty friends, it’s just that I’d like to clean the chip grease off the buttons. From personal experience I also demand that the cases be waterproof. We had a slight problem with a cracked pipe in our ceiling. The result was an N64, Genesis and computer that will never be turned on again.

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Console control pads with fifty feet of cable.

Some might say that fifty feet of cable is excessive, but I disagree. This amount of cable is needed so players aren’t stuck sitting five feet away from the TV. The length of cable would allow people in smaller apartments to answer the door, go to the bathroom, get a snack, etc. without ever having to put down the control.

Really flat screens. The flat screen LCD displays for PCs are nice in that they take up a lot less desk space but it’s a pain that you have to be directly in front of the

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screen to see anything (and the fact they’re so expensive). I suggest that Fruit of Loom starts weaving a combination of steel, optic fiber, and cesium to bring us a screen no thicker than a normal piece of paper but tough, washable and the consistency of fabric. This improvement would necessitate an easel like structure on your desk to hold the monitor in place. (The power source and port would be in the clip) Transportation would be very easy. Just roll it up and away you go!

CD-ROM and DVD-ROM drives that don’t wear out.

If you’re really a gaming addict you’ll have a lot of experience with CD-ROM drives that suddenly stop working. The problem is that these drives are so fragile. Make ‘em durable! Use composite materials. If the Ginsu 2000 knife can stay sharp forever ("It can cut through a tin can!") why can’t a CD-ROM drive last? Something else that would be an improvement is a self-cleaning ROM drive. One that not only cleans away dust build-up but also cleans the CD each time it’s inserted. Ovens have had the capability for ages.

The Buzz Button.

There should be a button installed into every keyboard and console marked "Buzz." Say you’re playing a game that really sucks or is so difficult that you haven’t advanced past the first level in eight days. You want to register your irritation with the designers so you hit the Buzz Button. The built in software instantly recognizes what game you’re playing and sends a message to a central processor. The central processor registers the vote and posts it to their website, buzzbutton.com. Users tempted to press the button repeatedly would be disappointed to learn that only one "buzz" can be registered per day per game.

Retinal scanners to activate the gaming machine.

Every gaming rig needs one of these. I include it because my 13 month-old son has learned how to turn my computer on, get the ROM drive open, totally reconfigure the Desktop, and put discs into the CD-ROM drive. (For the record, when there are three discs in the tray it won’t close.) He also likes to turn on my N64 after putting a game in upside down. Putting a retinal scanner on would eliminate this problem. We’ve all seen it done in movies. The user places their eye up to scanner, the computer whirs and access is granted. This should be the process to get power to the system. If the unit has no power, small children cannot wreak havoc on the games you play.

It may not be the most comprehensive list, but it lists the six things that need to be implemented now! If you’ve got more suggestions on how gaming rigs could be improved, drop me a line. omni@armchairempire.com

By Omni


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