As fun as the genre is, there are some silly, silly conventions that have persevered over the years. Now, Mr. Nash pokes a little bit of fun at them.

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RPG Silliness

RPGs are by far one of my favorite genres of games. I got hooked back in the 80s before I was even 10 playing Wizardry: Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord with my dad on our old Apple IIe. Since then I’ve been diving in to countless titles, both console and PC, playing all of the North American Final Fantasies, Dragon Warriors, Phantasy Stars, Might and Magics, TSR related titles, and so many others. However with all of this electronic role-playing I’ve experienced more than my share of odd occurrences that have just gotten me wondering. Here’s some food for thought:

Wild Life Carrying Money: This has been a perplexing situation for many a role-player. How on Earth does a wolf have 172 gold pieces? Where does he work? Where would he have spent the cash had he not run into my party of adventurers? Did my party’s slaying the beast just put a family of wolves on the street because they no longer have a stable source of income?

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Do party members ever need to use the can: In Star Trek we all know that the synthetic diets of the show make it so that people no longer need to use the washroom since the food is 100% nutritious. In RPGs this is often not the case, especially in games of a medieval nature. So, my clock in the game says we’ve been hunting an orcish border patrol for over 36 hours, yet not one of my party members has begun a funny dance because their dinner at the inn has run its course. Sure having party members needing to use the can would be a nuisance, but at least acknowledge that the characters do indeed use the bathroom.

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Being attacked every three steps: This has been largely a console RPG occurrence, but not only is it annoying, it makes me wonder too. How stupid are these monsters? My party has destroyed 50 monsters in the last hour just trying to get from one side of a room to the other, yet the beasts keep coming. Did they not see my party lay waste to the previous enemies? Are these waves of monsters masochists? Come on! Just walk away baddies.

15 Year-old heroes and heroines: I don’t know about you, but when I was 15 I wasn’t out slaying dragons, saving the world from alien invasion, or uniting kingdoms…okay I admit I was saving the world from alien invasion. Couldn’t the young heroes of RPGs just deal with their voices changing, hiding nudie magazines, and all of the other stuff kids that age do?

The expression "Well met!": Just make it stop! Can’t anyone come up with a new hip, happening greeting? Something! Anything!

These are by far the most perplexing, and sometimes annoying RPG "isms" I’ve ever dealt with. If you have any things in a RPG that have gotten you wondering over the years be sure to drop us a line at:

By Mr. Nash


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