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By Staff

April 14, 2006

In most entertainment mediums, one can find plenty of blurbs that will remain in their memories forever.  Some can be silly, and others poignant, but all wind up being priceless in the grand scheme of things.  In this installment of our top ten lists we look at the ten most notable quotes to arise in videogames.

Number 10: 

Return to Zork (PC)

“Want some rye? Course ya do!”

“And they’re al-l-l-l dead!”

- Boos Miller

Even now I roll these lines out from Return to Zork.  You come across a rye-swilling character that guards the way to the underground land of Zork.  Imagine the voice of a elderly hill billy that has watched too many Westerns and you have a pretty good idea of what Boos sounds like.  The lines had to do with the toasting ceremony that Boos always asked you to take part in.  Not many of my own drinking sessions go by without at least one “And they’re al-l-l-l dead!”

Number 9:

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PlayStation)

"What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets! But
enough talk! Have at you!"

- Dracula

The whole intro has become sort of legendary around
the Internet - it's what happens when you try to
translate Japanese into a Shakespeare-style dialogue
and then add some budget basement voiceovers by people
who not only can't act, but have terribly
inappropriate voices.

Number 8: 

Red Alert II (PC)

“Shake it, baby!”

- Agent Tanya

To this very day, hearing Kari Wurher, playing Agent Tanya, shout, “Shake it, baby!” still puts a shiver of delight through my cerebral cortex.  There’s something about the way it seems to roll off her tongue, like the role of Agent Tanya could only have been played by Kari (though I suppose the tank top helps, too).  Imagine Sharon Stone shouting it.  What about Keira Knightly, Scarlett Johanson, or Carmen Electra?  It just wouldn’t work.  It’s quite possibly the single greatest three words that have ever been uttered in a game and they could not have been said by anyone else.

Number 7: 

Samurai Shodown 2 (Arcade)

"Long long ago, there were a man who try to make his
skill ultimate. Because of his bloody life, it's no
accident that he was involved in the troubles."

- Intro

It's hard to pick the absolute best example of
SNK-grish, but this is one of my favorites. It takes
something that was probably dead serious in Japanese
and, through a complete misunderstanding of English
word usage, ends up something totally hilarious.

Number 6:

Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn (PC)

"Come, we must press on against the tide of naughtiness. Mind your step."

- Minsc

Of all the characters in the immense cast found in the Baldur's Gates games, none were quite as odd, or hilarious as Minsc, and his Miniature Giant Space Hamster, Boo.  He had so many great things to say, but this line in particular stands tall above the others.

Number 5:

Gabriel Knight II: The Beast Within (PC)

"Well look at me, I love to eat and I love to drink, I own a butchery and brewery, which means I love people who love to eat and drink. And If I could make it a national religion, I would!"

– Von Aigner

This is so close to being something Homer Simpson would say, it made me actually burst out laughing – and there weren’t too many laughs to be found in the serious Gabriel Knight II.  I’m pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be an uproarious line but it was.  It’s made all the funnier in my memory because I think Von Aigner is sitting in a bathtub at the time he says it.

Number 4: 

Warcraft III (PC)

"Ota: Fukoi-san? Fukoi: Yes, go ahead. Ota: What the Iron Troll is doing is putting heads in a pot. They have to boil for 20 minutes so the eyes can be used in a second dish, an eye and raspberry sorbet. Woman: Ooh, sounds good."

- Troll Witch Doctors

The Warcraft series has always had a bunch of funny quotes in it that would come up when someone clicked on a unit repeatedly.  By part three, there were a ton of pop culture and political references well worth a chuckle.  Probably the best, if for no other reason than how far out of left field it came, is this little gem from the Troll Witch Doctors, acting as a homage to the Japanese TV show, Iron Chef.

Number 3:

Shenmue (Dreamcast / Xbox)

"Excuse me.  Do you know where I can find some sailors?"

- Ryo Hazuki

Oh Ryo, if only we knew what sort of wanton desires you kept hidden deep in your psyche.  Sure, in all likelihood it was a serious question, but the homoerotic undertones attached to this phrase by the gaming community will make it live on forever.  Keep on reaching for that rainbow, Ryo.  We love you no matter what.

Number 2:

Zero Wing (Mega Drive)

"All Your Base Are Belong to Us"

- Cats

Of all the poorly translated passages to come through on a Western release of a game, Zero Wing's has to be the worst of the bunch.  This quote in particular went so far as to be one of the most searched terms on Google (according to their 2001 Zeitgeist), and even got itself a reference in an episode of Futurama.  Can another game from abroad outdo this disasterous translation?  Only time will tell.

Number 1:

World's Scariest Police Chases (PlayStation)

"And now the punk who had no respect for other people's property will become someone else's property...in jail!"

- Announcer

Sure, we've all heard our fair share of "don't drop the soap!" jokes in reference to many a fine correctional facility, but it's not often one sees such in a game.  It's even more rare that it's said so matter-of-factly.  If only there were more straight shooters like this in our ranks.