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Mr. Nash

March 20, 2006

Beards and moustaches can be quite the distinguishing feature on a man (or woman for that matter).  Through the ages we've seen countless styles come and go from bar handle moustaches to goatees to mutton chops, and many of these styles have made their way onto some of our favorite game characters.  That in mind, here are our picks of some of the most memorable beards, for better or worse.

Number 10: Mitsurugi

In Soul Calibur III, Mitsurugi brings a finely shaved beard to the table.  It's subtle and to the point.  However, depending on what costume he has on, it sometimes looks unkempt.  He really should stay clean shaven.

Number 9: Dr. Wily

A homage to the late, great Albert Einstein, with an evil twist.  Dr. Wily’s moustache exemplifies the mad scientist motif.  It’s wild, yet sophisticated, all the while adding to the personality that the not-so-good doctor has exuded for the last twenty years.

Number 8: Dr. Robotnik

There’s just something so '80s new wave about Dr. Robotnik’s moustache.  From its size, to its shape, the whole appearance of the thing is just so entrenched in that era in popular culture, and that’s why we love it.  It’s hard not to be tempted to buy him a Devo hat…

Number 7: Jak

For most of us, the soul patch died around the turn of the century, at about the same time people clued in that all of Smash Mouth’s songs sound the same, yet Jak has persevered, doing his best to keep the hairy piece of face dirt alive and well.  Look, Jak, we love you, but please, please shave.

Number 6: Cervantes

Early in his life in the Soul Calibur series, Cervantes was reasonably clean cut, at least as far as pirates go.  He had a reasonably well-trimmed beard, and that was fine and dandy.  However, as the years and sequels wore on, the buccaneer started to look more and more like Rob Zombie.  Well, if you’re going to be a borderline immortal pirate, that motif certainly would make sense, no?

Number 5: Barrett

With a look that could cause one to mistaken him for Zangief’s long lost soul brother, Barrett established himself as the big, tough teddy bear of Final Fantasy VII.  He may have been all about crushing skulls, and stopping Shinra, but deep down, he was a nice, gentle guy.  Nonetheless, that beard of his really helped in ensuring that his enemies never caught on to this.

Number 4: Solid Snake

Another case of stubble, but unlike Mitsurugi, Solid Snake can actually pull it off.  One has to wonder how long he’ll be able to fend off the ladies with a face like that.  It adds to his persona as one of the world’s toughest counter espionage agents, while making members of the fairer sex swoon.

Number 3: Gordon Freeman

Talk about a guy whose beard you can set your watch to.  There’s nothing terribly unique about Gordon’s beard; it’s just amazingly utilitarian, which somehow manages to be refreshing.  Usually beards are associated with some sort of attitude in games, but in the case of Mr. Freeman, it’s like he’s simply saying, “What?  I just like having a beard.”  Good stuff.

Number 2: Zangief

With the consummate tough guy beard, the giant Russian wrestler exudes aggression.  Look at that beard.  Just look at it.  How can anyone not respect it.  Without that mighty beard, Zangief just wouldn’t be the same.

Number 1: Mario

Ah, the quintessential piece of gaming facial hair.  It’s simple, and to the point.  Mario just wouldn’t be Mario without that moustache of his.  Sure, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi have moustaches too, but they almost seem like after thoughts.  There just isn’t anyone in the world of games with a more feature defining feature than Mario and his moustache.  Come on.  How could he not be at the top of this list?