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Preparing for the Rampaging E3 Beast

Maybe next year I’ll be able to write a “How To” on the E3 experience. This year will be my first time at E3 so a “How To” guide is out of the question. What I can do is offer a list of my preparations for E3.

Sign up as Media three and a half months in advance

At this stage, I’m not even sure we’ll have the money to make it to Los Angeles but I figure there’s no harm in signing up. Even so, I feel quite a bit of anxiety waiting to see if I can become “Approved Media.”

Build up alcohol resistance

If the reports are true, E3 is a booze-soaked Bacchanalian orgy of games and endless shooters. So there’s some training involved – the last thing I want to do is wind up completely hammered, wandering downtown LA and only a fleeting memory of my name. I started with a couple of beers a day. Upon my departure from Vancouver at 10:00AM (the day before the event starts) I’ll be on my second mickey of Southern Comfort.

Panic – start now

I reach the panic portion of my preparations after I learn we have the fund necessary to make the trip – and I become “Approved Media.” Panic is good as it makes me realize that I’m the lone representative of the Armchair Empire and means I have to get myself completely organized.

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Get organized

I sit down and attempt to organize myself but I see something shiny. Getting organized will have to wait.

Practice a variety of intrigued looks

#1 in Mr. Nash’s Laws of Gaming: for every standout game there are five average games and two horrible games. Since I will be subjected to all kinds I need to be able to feign interest convincingly and not burst into laughter/tears

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when witnessing a gaming travesty. Conversely, I have to be able to seem disinterested – almost blasé – about games that might have me wetting my pants. I try a variety of facial expressions but my “feigned interest” and “feigned disinterest” look nearly identical. This may present problems later on but I’ll deal with that when the need arises.

Make booth appointments

The first part of this step was to mass email all the contacts in my address book. That being completed, I waited. And waited. Then did some more waiting. Finally the responses started coming in and I got to fill out my carefully crafted schedule sheet. Actually, filling in appointment times was cause for much anxiety as I had no idea of relative positions. West Hall? South Hall? Petree? Where are these places? I fear I’ll be sprinting from booth to booth to keep appointments. I check the E3 Expo site daily for the floor plans. When the plans are finally posted I find that by some miracle I’ve done a good job minimizing my sprinting distances. However, since I’ve double-booked meeting times in at least 3 cases I have to reschedule some appointments. After doing so I find that a new pair of running shoes may be in order.

Make business cards

Nothing says you were “there” like a detailed business card and rumors have me believe they’re better than a handshake. Unless you can break bones – people never forget a broken hand.

Memorize pertinent information, names and faces

The last thing I want to do is bump into Wil Wright call him Peter Molyneaux and ask what inspired him to create Everquest. Of course, getting all the information into my brain would be tough sober but on a strict regime of alcoholized beverages I’m looking at my own business cards asking, “Do I know this guy?”

Even with these preparations I feel less than ready to tackle 500,000+ square feet of gaming all by myself. I’d like to give all the games equal play but how is this goal possible with games like Half-Life 2, Sims 2, Armed & Dangerous, StarCraft: Ghost, Halo 2, Metal Gear Solid (GC), Jak & Daxter 2 and whatever Rare is planning to show (and so much more) clamoring for attention? Just thinking of it sends an anxious dagger through me. But don’t for a second think I’m not glad to finally be making the trek. This is the 9^th year for E3 and I’ve wanted to go to every single one. Not only to sneak upcoming games but to see for myself what actually goes on and to find some semblance of truth to back-up/squash the rumors of what E3 is all about.

I have two hopes for the show. First, that I don’t make a fool of myself. Second, that I can manage some semblance of impartiality and not get swept up in the hype because the last thing I want to be seen as is a rabid fanboy cheering for any particular game or platform. (Just don’t call me a journalist.)

By the time you read this I may already be on my way, bottle of Vodka on stand-by. Am I prepared? Sure, why not. I may not be completely organized, but I am prepared.

- Omni

(May 10, 2003)


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