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Not every time capsule
is buried under a monument or enclosed in a steel box and covered in concrete.
Sometimes, a time capsule can me found sitting on the back of your toilet or on
top of your microwave.
And that's what brings
us to Computer Gaming World #199.
You Might Also Enjoy:
-
Time Capsule: Legends of Future Past
-
Time Capsule: An Email to Jeff Green
Credit to
CGWMuseum.org for the
cover.
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Time Capsule: Computer
Gaming World #199

One of the downsides of digital media, more
specifically digital and e-versions, of magazines and newspapers is the inability
to grab a random issue from a pile and just flip through it. In many ways
holding a magazine
feels like you're touching history. Would you ever stumble upon a review of
Escape from Monkey Island online? Chances are, no you never would unless you
were specifically looking for it.
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of Computer Gaming World issue #199 from February
2001. I found it on top of the microwave and started flipping through it. My, a
lot has changed and some things I'm convinced will never change.
In
a small write-up on page 37, "What We're Playing," Tomb Raider Chronicles is
written up with words that still echo today:
"The dairy industry is looking closely at this latest Lara Croft game, hoping to
glean some tips from Eidos regarding how to milk something to death. Not even
the upcoming movie helps drum up enthusiasm for this dried-up adventure game.
Maybe the level editor will be worth checking out -- but it looks like Eidos
should put her Lara out to pasture, once and for all."
That was more than 10 years ago! I read something a few weeks ago that said
pretty much the same thing in light of another Tomb Raider reboot on the way.
And writing of 10 years ago, flipping to page 38, under "pipeline" the Duke
Nukem
Forever
release date was updated to Fall 2001. Write your own punch line.
One of the parts of this particular issue that bothers me -- the Canadian Corner
letter, I shrugged off the first time I read this issue -- is the four-page
advertisement for Sacrifice.
The fourth page is what I'll focus on right now.

Of the 10 sources supplying quotes boosting the game, exactly two of them is
still in existence. One of them, Sharky Games, can still be found but it hasn't
been updated since April 11, 2001. XLGaming.com, PCMonkey.com, Game
Addicts, Gamers Pulse... I won't list them all. The short of it is they're gone.
The Armchair Empire has been around since 2000 and we've never been quoted on a
game box or in an ad or on a game's official website. We did get a mention on
some promo material for the Dinomania mini-collectibles from Kaiyodo and we were
asked permission to use a quote on reprintings for the dungeon hack 'n' slash
Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (which never got a reprint), but that's it.
Getting
a quoted on a game box was never a goal for me in the last 11 years, but reading
effusive praise from sites that no longer exist snapped this point into sharp
focus: 11 years and never quoted on a game box.
I feel only minor disappointment. I won't lie though. A box quote would have
been a nice feather in my cap, something to frame and hang on a wall. Maybe in
the bathroom. I might even autograph it.
But there was a lot more in this issue besides a reminder that The Armchair
Empire has never produced a box quote, like news that Digital Anvil had been
gobbled up by Microsoft (but Chris Roberts would be stick around as "Creative
Director"; a position he used to find a creative way to leave the company soon
after) There was Jeff Green's exclamation mark-filled column "The Feel-Good
Column of the Year!" which seems to have been a direct (and funny) response to
what people on the development side of the games industry felt the role of a PC
magazine should be:
"The industry is not in a downturn! At least,
that's not what I think! Because I'm going to be a cheerleader! That's what some
game companies think we should do! They don't want us to complain because that
turns people off gaming!
So this is the new me! I hope you like it!"
But
I can't put this magazine down on the back of the toilet without taking a look
at the cover, the story of which was told in 2008 when lead designer on Freedom
Force, Ken Levine (System Shock, BioShock), visited the crew on the GFW Radio
podcast.
This is the lowest selling issue of Computer Gaming
World and it's not hard to spot why. "Look Out X-Men!" in massive font with a
character that didn't mesh at all with what "X-Men" conjures up in the
imagination. The cover was created by "bean counters" in New York according to
Jeff Green, with no understanding of PC games.
Levine responded, "I'm comfortable pinning the financial failure of my game on
those fuckers."
I really miss getting magazines in the mail. A monthly book that comes every
month with my name on it. The feeling of a crafted (and printed) magazine in my
hands as I sit on my porch on a hot summer evening... it's one of those things
that won't be hard to imagine as long as I hold on to some of these magazines.

Documented proof of Duke Nukem Forever's tortuous
development cycle. Plus, evidence that Dungeon Siege managed to produce three
games in the same time it took for Duke Nukem Forever to arrive.
- Aaron Simmer
(August 23, 2011)
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