someone to blame for losing two minutes of your life, you know right
where to point the finger. Because I told you so.
Valhalla Knights: The Eldar Saga is the story of whatever ugly character
you kind of, but not really, custom create. The world is in trouble, and
you have to collect things to make it right. Were I to go into any more
detail would give credence to the effort the developer put into the
you want to know about graphics? Because it hasn't got any! Not proper
ones. The visuals that have stumbled into this game have suffered a long
and painful road, and they are but shadows of their former selves. They
come in two colours: shitty mud and muddy shit. Which is fine, because
the world in which the game is set is barren, dead wasteland with the
occasional enemy to kill. Not that there is anything wrong with barren,
dead wastelands. Video games are filled with them. Here, though, that's
exactly what they weren't going for, and just looking at the game, you
feel embarrassed for the developer. Shawn Elliott, while he did not coin
the term, but was instrumental in its use. That term is Wahjah and it
means embarrassment by proxy. It is very applicable here.
Am I now compelled to tell you of gameplay? Do you want all the fun of
killing arbitrary shit? This game has it spades with the added benefit
of not doing it with anyone like in an MMO. And without the benefit of
even a pathetically tacked-on context?
It wouldn't be so bad if there was a bit of action. This is an Action
RPG after all. But the mechanism by which you propel action (killing and
chopping and what have you) is an exercise in frustration. Often I found
myself chopping the air, helplessly stuck in a combo, while my target
was a good few feet behind me. To pay for the privilege to become the
least effective generic fantasy hero of all time is truly an insult.
Speaking of insults, the worst, and I mean absolute worst, are the RPG
mechanics. If you were given a beautiful and detailed world with an
excellent story and well thought out character development, I could
understand negotiating a dozen stat categories that may or may not
effect your performance in a game. Here, it is a chore. It is more than
a chore. It is just another excuse to avoid this game.
Games like Valhalla Knights: The Eldar Saga ruin all video games for me.
Dozens of people wasted their time making it. Thousands of dollars were
wasted to make sure that you could see it in a store and not buy it. It
wasted hours of my life. And now it has forced me to waste 600 words on
the internet to describe what I said in my first two sentences. Which I
will reiterate now: This game is terrible. Don't buy it.