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Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

Score: 4.5 / 10

During a 2004 Roundtable discussion at the Armchair Empire, Kurt Kalata made the observation that DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball was a “lesbian simulator.”  Here we are a couple of years later and we have the follow-up to that title – DOA Xtreme 2 – and I’m glad to say that if you’re in the market for a great-looking lesbian simulator, here is your game!

The minor points of DOA Xtreme 2 include volleyball, butt battle, tug of war, tubbin’ (down a waterslide), running down the beach (no, I’m not kidding), flipping around on a jetski, the hopping mini-game, and gambling.  Besides the volleyball and jetski races, everything else is essentially a mini-game – unsatisfying mini-games.

The major attraction here is the bounciest computer-generated boobs ever -- it's a cup size or two better than DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball.  Bouncy to the point 

 

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of distraction by the very fact that they’ll often bounce by themselves.  I’m reminded of an episode of the Simpsons when Dr. Hibbert tests Homer’s fat level by poking his belly – it finally stops rippling five seconds later.  It’s the same phenomenon with the girls of DOA.  Boobs bounce, jiggle, and bop like there’s no tomorrow!  The jiggle aspect of the original has been outdone – just take a gander at the 

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hidden “pole dance” Easter egg or the myriad of “lounging” cutscenes.  The graphics have also eclipsed the original, which is to be expected.

What wasn’t expected is that just about everything else has received a downgrade.  It’s like Team Ninja was so concerned about the boobies that they ran out of time to include things like good controls (the jetskis should have been a highlight), a revamped volleyball game, or more interesting gambling features (like, say, animated opponents).

The not so subtle "Tug" of War mini-game (left); one of DOA Xtreme 2's break-out features is tan lines (right).

As to the lesbian simulator aspect – making friends with the other DOA girls on the island – it’s just as friggin’ frustrating to figure out as the original.  For those unfamiliar with this concept, to partner up with a friend (so you can play volleyball) you need to butter them up by buying them things (and wrapping the damn thing in the proper wrapping paper) then waiting until the right time to spring the question, “Maybe we can partner up?”  Once that’s done – not an easy feat unless you have a strategy guide on your lap – they’ll drop you like an anvil if you stop lavishing them with gifts.  And almost all of the Achievements revolve around making friends and scoring more swimsuits (and playing as each of the girls), so it goes without saying that I have yet to actually get one single achievement in DOA Xtreme 2.

The online functionality is minimal at best, with support for volleyball and jetski races.  But you can’t bring the items and accessories you’ve earned in the offline portion of the game to make your character unique.  Add to that the laggy gameplay and control issues and you get a pointless experience.

Even fans of the DOA might want to think twice about picking up a copy of Xtreme 2.  Although the eye candy may send your eyes into a diabetic shock, that’s about all there is here.

- Omni

(December 13, 2006)

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