The Armchair Empire - Action Figure Reviews: Mummy (McFarlane's Monsters)


Series: McFarlane’s Monsters Craftsmanship: 8.6 out of 10 - Has bones but doesn’t stand worth a damn - Great mix of detail, sculpt, and paint - Excellent accessories - Mass amounts of articulation Playability: 7.0 out of 10 - On the scary side - Joints are entirely snapable - Cool bendy snake - Small parts easily lost Be notified of site updates. Sign-up for the Newsletter sent out twice weekly. Enter E-Mail Address Below: Subscribe \| Unsubscribe	Mummy (McFarlane's Monsters) by McFarlane Toys It’s not everyday you get to meet someone that eclipses the age of The 2000 Year-Old Man. We tracked Mummy to, where else, Egypt. We wined and dined in the shadow of the Sphinx and talked the afternoon away. What follows is an abridged transcript. Just how old are you? Oh, like that’s an original question. You guys ask that question all the time, for the last time, I’m… let’s see. Well I was about 200 years old when… I’m old. Real old. Forgive me for saying, but your memory’s not what used to be, is it? Look at this hole in my head. You can see daylight. Brain pretty much dried up and blow away with the sand. So, mister swanky I’ve-got-skin-and-you-don’t, you’ll excuse me for not being able to remember how old I am. What’s the secret of your longevitiy? I’ve been well preserved. Oh sure, I’ve decomposed a little, what skin I have left is leathery, and most of my cotton bandages have become pretty ragged, but I’m still kicking. I’ll tell you one thing, not many people out there have as much articulation as me. Just when they think I can’t possibly bend again, I surprise ‘em.
	Tell me about your headdress. This old thing? Picked it up at a garage sale as a raincoat. It’s pretty neat though, ain’t it? I like the detail and the staff holders on the back. And I’ll let you in a secret… it’s great for picking up women. Women still find you attractive? As long as I’ve got the headdress… let’s just say I keep a pocket full of Viagra. Why, at our last Monster’s get-together, I scored with Voodoo Queen. Now that was some hoodoo voodoo! Course, I picked up a case of scorpions but it was worth it.	Advertisement
	They’re crawling down your leg. Yeah, that’s right. So do you get out much to enjoy your hobbies? Hobbies, no hobbies. I do get out once in a while, but I always stay away from people. Kids especially. Little devils always manage to snap off one or two of my limbs. I’m old and fragile, but they don’t realize that. Mostly I just stand around in my pyramid. Well, I say “stand” but I’m really in a vicious fall-down get-up cycle. I can’t stand worth a damn and without any holes in my feet I’ve got no option to steady myself. I mean, I’ve got a hole clear through my head, but none in my feet? But the ladies don’t notice. What about your snake? Good with kids surprisingly. But he annoys me mostly. He likes to wedge himself through the hole in my head. I’ve got to ask about the whole “Mummy’s curse” thing. What’s the deal? Funny story that. Wrote a play once that consisted entirely of swear words. Got good a review in the Babylonian Times and he nicknamed it the Mummy’s Curse. Some dumb explorer came along about 2000 years later – a really accident prone moron – and when I started explaining the concept to him part of the crypt wall fell away and squashed an assistant. Moron ran away after that, screaming his fool head off. So, the nickname took on a whole new meaning. Then Hollywood got hold of the idea… what a load of crap. And I’m still waiting for my royalties.

Mummy (McFarlane's Monsters) by McFarlane Toys