Series: McFarlane's Monsters

Craftsmanship: 8.7 out of 10

- Great sculpt

- Excellent choice of materials

- Easy to stand for the most part

Playability: 8.0 out of 10

- He's got "bath toy" written all over him

- Not as many sharp bits as you might think

- Small accessories

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Sea Creature (McFarlane's Monsters) by McFarlane Toys

Sea Creature (McFarlane's Monsters)

The Armchair Empire traveled all the way to the sunny Bermuda Triangle for the chance to talk to Sea Creature as part of our interview series with McFarlane's Monsters. We caught up with him on a small island and what follows is an abridged transcript of the meeting.

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AE: Hello, Sea Creature!
Sea Creature: Oh, crap. How'd you find me? That jerk Frankie's Monster, I bet. What does it take to get a bit of peace and quiet?

First of all, what's your real name?
Mortimer Flatulence.

You're kidding, right?
No, unfortunately I'm not. My stage name sounds way cooler.

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Can you tell us what your best feature is?
You mean I have to just pick one? Well, I've got six points of articulation -- with ball-jointed shoulder and hips -- and a bendy tail for starters. My sculpt is great -- just look at this seaweed! But my paint job is also good. I really like the way my oversized scales kind of hang off my body.

Do you believe in plastic surgery? What would you change about yourself?
Plastic surgery is the way to go. Joan Rivers and me are very good friends. I'm going to get my jaw looked at, because I sure wish I could open it. I mean, I'm supposed to be a monster... my scare factor drops when I can't roar properly. And my toenails are too long -- it hurts to walk, and in some positions, even to stand properly.

What accessories do you come with?
These spears and this guy's decomposing head on a hook. The spears are for decoration -- I can't hold them so I usually tuck them into my scales. Doesn't matter though, they're still better than the original accessories they were going to pack with me.

Original accessories?
Water-Wings.

Water-Wings? But you're Sea Creature.
I don't like the water. It terrifies me ever since I saw Jaws. And I can't swim. And salt water makes me itch. And these gills, they aren't really gills. I have to breath air, man. Anyway, it was an image thing.

But you could go for a swim if you had to, right?
I've been known to dip into a bathtub or two. Only thing is that I've got to watch out for losing track of my accessories, especially Heady because he's small.

What about aquarium living?
Never really thought of it, but I suppose I could do it -- as long as the water wasn't too deep.

(May 26, 2002)