The
Armchair Empire traveled all the way to the sunny Bermuda Triangle for
the chance to talk to Sea Creature as part of our interview series with
McFarlane's Monsters. We caught up with him on a small island and
what follows is an abridged transcript of the meeting.
AE:
Hello, Sea Creature!
Sea
Creature: Oh, crap. How'd you find me? That jerk Frankie's Monster, I bet. What does it take to get a
bit of peace and quiet?
First
of all, what's your real name?
Mortimer
Flatulence.
You're
kidding, right?
No,
unfortunately I'm not. My stage name sounds way cooler.
Can
you tell us what your best feature is?
You
mean I have to just pick one? Well, I've got six points of
articulation -- with ball-jointed shoulder and hips -- and a bendy tail for starters. My sculpt is great --
just look at this seaweed! But my paint job is also good. I
really like the way my oversized scales kind of hang off my body.
Do
you believe in plastic surgery? What would you change about yourself?
Plastic
surgery is the way to go. Joan Rivers and me are very good
friends. I'm going to get my jaw looked at, because I sure wish I
could open it. I mean, I'm supposed to be a monster... my scare
factor drops when I can't roar properly. And my toenails are too
long -- it hurts to walk, and in some positions, even to stand properly.
What
accessories do you come with?
These
spears and this guy's decomposing head on a hook. The spears are
for decoration --
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I can't hold them so I usually tuck them into my
scales. Doesn't matter though, they're still better than the
original accessories they were going to pack with me.
Original
accessories?
Water-Wings.
Water-Wings?
But you're Sea Creature.
I
don't like the water. It terrifies me ever since I saw Jaws. And I
can't swim. And salt water makes me itch. And these gills,
they aren't really gills. I have to breath air, man. Anyway,
it was an image thing.
But
you could go for a swim if you had to, right?
I've
been known to dip into a bathtub or two. Only thing is that I've
got to watch out for losing track of my accessories, especially Heady
because he's small.
What
about aquarium living?
Never
really thought of it, but I suppose I could do it -- as long as the
water wasn't too deep.